Woman with the serious faceThe serious face is like a red hot alarm to let you know shit is going to blow up. Prevent it by not doing the things to bring it out.

Okay, can we be honest here? Women and men are wired differently. Both sexes are probably saying “duh” right now. The thing about it is that at some point, we have to learn to live together. So, men, learn the serious face to keep the peace.

If not just for procreation and survival, because it is

so nice, and stop me if you don’t agree here, to get along. Nothing is more blissful than having a relationship clicking and going along just as you had planned and each partner feels like their needs are being met... this is where the bluebirds come out to sing, and the magical forest comes alive...

Okay, back to reality. The truth? If you want to get along in a relationship, learn what the hot buttons are and avoid them. I know, sometimes it feels really friggin’ good to press them, but payback is a bitch, not for them, but for you. Payback is a bitchy look from your girlfriend.

These 21 things always get you the serious face

Yes, gather in close here, men. We have all seen and know what the serious face is. Like when your mom would have that shrill scream from any point in the house included not just your first, or your middle, but your last name, the serious face instantly lets you know there is bitching to be had.

Not s-ex, there is none of that to be had, and you are going to end up apologizing. So, the best treatment for the serious face is to prevent it all together. If you want to know when the serious face is going to rear its ugly head, I am going to be your crystal ball; no wait, your Jiminy Cricket.

#1 Lie. Nothing will get you the serious face more than being caught in a lie. Girls don’t ever think there is a reason to be untruthful unless we ask “Does my @ss look fat in these jeans?” If you said you were some place you weren’t, or that you didn’t text your female coworker, only for her to find out you did, that is grounds for the “serious face.”

#2 Show up late to something “special.” How hard is it to get your shit together? Likely, there are very few times when she needs you somewhere on time. If it is a special occasion, and she is relying on you to be there, make sure to get your @ss there on time. She wouldn’t be late if she knew it was something important to you.

#3 Say you’re on your way and come home hours later. Why tell her you are on your way home when you aren’t? If you have no intention of walking through that door anytime soon, just tell her so. Otherwise, every minute past when she thinks you are going to be home she will be sitting and stewing, just plotting what she is going to do and say when your @ss does walk through that door.

It isn’t just about the lying; it is that when you don’t show up when you say you will. Guess what? She cares and gets worried. Think about someone other than yourself and the good time you are having. If you are going to be late, be honest and deal with the consequences.

#4 Say you don’t want to talk but pick up your phone to call a friend two minutes later. Men always say that they don’t want to talk only to pick up their phone and shoot the shit right in front of our eyes. To us, that just means “I don’t want to talk to you!” If you don’t want to get the serious face, sacrifice 30 minutes to catch up with her, and then you can chit chat away with your friends. 

#5 Text shit about how your girlfriend is a bitch. If your girlfriend is a bitch, deal with it. It isn’t necessary to bad mouth her on your text messages, or even worse, a chain message. Why guys want their friends to hate their girlfriend is beyond me. If you have a problem, just say it to her and leave the rest of the world out.

#6 Talk to your mom about her. There is an unwritten rule when it comes to relationships, mothers on both sides are off limits. There is absolutely no reason to talk to mommy. She is always going to take your side, and then the next time she sees your girlfriend, she is going to be nasty.

There is a reason you get the serious face when she finds out you have been blowing up mom’s ear about all your problems. It isn’t cool!

#7 Come home drunk after “work.” If you tell her you are at work, and then show up drunk at home three hours later, that isn’t cool. If you leave work to have drinks, just say so. Why men need to lie their way through life is beyond me. If you want to get a drink with friends, just say so.

#8 Say there is no time or money for vacation and head on a fishing trip. If you can’t ever find time or money for her, but the sky is the limit when you want to get away with the guys, shame on you, you deserve the serious face. When you do shit like that, it just tells your girlfriend you don’t care about her, and that she comes second. 

#9 Schmooze the waitress. She is sitting there all dressed up and out on a date with her boyfriend to look over and see her man is gushing all over some waitress who flirts back. That is definitely grounds for the serious face.

If you are with a woman, be with her. You aren’t going to make a date with the waitress with her sitting there, so you are just hurting her intentionally for no reason.

#10 Charm everyone in the room but your girlfriend. You come home from work pissed off, irritable, and miserable and didn’t even want to go to the party, but the minute you get there, you are, Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky and charming every girl in the room. Don’t save the shitty for your girlfriend and show the rest of the world how awesome you are. That just isn’t cool and leads to the serious face.

#11 Forget an anniversary or birthday. We all have cell phones with calendars, don’t we? How hard is it to put a couple of important dates in it with an alarm? The fact that you don’t is just passive aggressive. Then when she gets mad, you turn it around on her and make her the jerk? You deserve the serious face if you can’t honor her on one or two days a year.

#12 Leave the toilet seat up for the 200th time. Have you ever fallen into a toilet in the middle of the night? If you had, you wouldn’t ever leave the seat up again.

#13 Don’t answer her questions. I know you think her questions are silly and ridiculous, but she is asking them because she wants an answer. Simply looking at her while she is standing in front of you acting like she has a third head is not only going to get you the serious face, it is likely to get you the crazy eyes too. Just answer her damn question.

#14 Mock her in front of people. If she did something stupid, keep it to yourself. Feeling dumb enough, she doesn’t need you to continue to poke at her and make her feel worse about herself. You are supposed to be the one who has her back, so have it and stop putting a knife in it just for a laugh or two from your friends.

#15 Ignore her successes. Her successes don’t demean yours. If she is doing well at work, just got a promotion, or did something admirable, celebrate it with her. If you ignore it, seem completely indifferent to it, or just couldn’t care less about what she is achieving, you are going to get the serious face.

#16 Have her catch you looking or hitting on a younger, prettier version of her. The whole “you can look but not touch” isn’t cool. The truth is you shouldn’t look or touch, at least when she is with you.

Nothing makes a girl question your love and attractiveness more for her than if she catches you checking out some girl while you are with her. News flash, there are better looking guys than you out there, but she wouldn’t disrespect you by having her tongue hanging out every time a nice @ss walked by.

#17 Talk about how hot some other girls are. We all know that we aren’t Jessica Biel, but we don’t need it thrown in our faces. If you don’t want to get the serious face, then don’t talk about other hot women in front of her. It makes no difference if they are celebrities that you won’t ever meet. We know it isn’t true, but we like to believe you only have eyes for us.

#18 Don’t confide in her first, then go outside the relationship for advice. If you have a problem with her, keep it between you two. The minute you start to talk to someone outside of the relationship you are betraying the trust that you have. That will likely get you the serious face, especially if she finds out that your friends know private things about her that they shouldn’t.

#19 Flirt on social media sites. Guys forget that their conversations are public record, or even those that are private can be seen on their mobile devices. If you are flirting with a girl via social media, then you need to quit it. You are making her insecure and bringing out the serious face in her. You wouldn’t like it if she was reminiscing with an old boyfriend. 

#20 Let her go out of her way and never say “thank you.” If you never appreciate the things she does or if she is standing right in front of you and doing something really nice, the least you can say is thank you. 

#21 Say you’re not in the mood, and she finds you masturbating. Just like saying you don’t want to talk only to see you talking on the phone. If you haven’t had s-ex in a week, and you said that you aren’t in the mood, but she catches you in the shower getting all comfortable with yourself. You tell her you just aren’t interested in her. That gets you more than the serious face; that will get you the seriously hurt face.

If you want to avoid the serious face, take the time to see how your actions affect the woman that you love. The serious face is typically nothing more than hurt, so stop doing what you are doing to hurt her.

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